The onslaught of memories continues

So many great memories of my wonderful spouse in numerous ways, and since she isn't around to do things with, I spend a lot of time remembering: hiking in God’s creation, exploring waterfalls, camping in various places, traveling with the kids, sharing about the natural landscape and the history with them. Fortunately she enjoyed traveling and exploring as I did, which was certainly for the benefit of our kids as well. First off is one time when Marie and I were exploring Rock Glen falls, in north Lambton.

When Tim was a youngster, he enjoyed walking along the beach, as Marie did, and found things he was curious about and wanted to share them.....

....and a bit later, on his first trip to Arizona, we were camping in the Sonoran Desert immediately south of Tucson which he thoroughly enjoyed.

Gardening at home was a popular pastime, enjoying various things, including a multitude of raspberries that she was adept at growing, etc. Unfortunately I haven’t demonstrated the same talent for producing two seasons of raspberries, and the productivity since she has gone, is quite a bit less.

Reading her journals was eye-opening to the things she had been struggling with all her life, as an ongoing victim of the devil. As I ponder more and more about the things she was wrestling with from her early childhood, it is amazing that she was as wonderful as she was. It is so sad to become more aware of what she was dealing with, and I am incredibly sad for her. Could I have done things differently in our years together? Hindsight is interesting, and in one of her journals of many years ago, she made reference to another ‘stupid’ bird count that I was out on instead of being at home with the family. My bad……:-(

 I’ve recently read a book describing some things that Hospice nurses see happening to some of the ones in their care, towards the end of life. In some cases, the book describes the peace and comfort of people who are dying, and what they experience in their last few days or weeks, even being visited by visions of family who have gone on before. It is interesting that that is the experience of some. However I cannot say that Marie had anything remotely like that. In her last couple of days she was barely conscious and not communicating. I often wondered what she was thinking, even while I was praying for her.....

 There is a huge emptiness in my life with her gone, being very lonely of course, and emotionally up and down so many times, and it doesn’t take much to trigger emotions!! They can come on very quickly no matter what I am doing. However I am so, so glad that God rescued her from the trauma and the unfortunate path that the devil was leading her along. One of the songs I featured a few posts ago was one by Phil Wickham called Homesick for Heaven. When it comes on the radio, it usually causes me to pause in whatever I am doing, and it triggers a lot of mixed emotion, including tears, especially when the song gets to the following: To see the ones I love who’ve gone before….there’s an ache in my heart, and I’m homesick for heaven. Here is the link to it again.

When the two become one, as is part of the purpose of marriage, it is more and more a ‘oneness’ after almost 48 years of growing together. When the better half of the two is gone, it leaves a significant emptiness for the survivor. To anyone reading who has a spouse: give them a hug, and love them as much as you can while you still can.

A trio of mergansers at sunrise on Lake Erie

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